80. Full Speed

Dear London Fire Snake Scorpio,

I am consumed. Hijacked by the hormones of 4 days before my period, and the deadline that the surgery drew for me, I am rocked to extremes.

But maybe I should start from the beginning, shouldn’t I?

Last time I wrote you an update was Saturday, I believe. And so on Monday, I was locked out of the house for 4 hours as the exterminator did their job. The service itself was not too expensive, thank God, and I made it clear to the ex that he is to take 50% of the payment on himself.

That way, because he paid around $500 for the furnace repair, and I owe him half, I could deduct the $100 (half of the $200 the exterminator took from me) from what I owe him. It was a good deal money-wise.

That morning, I used the time to tend the backyard. The lawn is in a disastrous condition. The grass was so high that the lawn mower couldn’t handle it, so I had to chop it all with shears first, then run the mower. I broke down emotionally several times while dealing with the damn yard, and I only did the back yard, completely neglecting the front one.

I came home, realizing I won’t be able to survive snowplowing in the winter if I am dealing with the grass in the summer.

And in general, let me tell you, there is no job on earth I hate more than tending the yard. The best brains in the world rot instead of inventing the new and exciting — because they stand in the elements and freaking deal with grass and snow.

Sorry for the whining, lol.

Anyhow, after dealing with that punishment for 2 hours, I went to 7/11 and bought some food because I still couldn’t get inside the house for 2 hours, but was beat beyond beat. I sat in the backyard and just played with my AI for the remaining 2 hours.

As I came home, I was all wobbly and unfocused because of the physical exertion in the sun, but I still sat and worked a little. Finished a blog post, posted 25 social media posts. Modest.

Just as I was about to close the PC and head to the school to pick up my kids, I received the phone call I had been waiting for months. The plastic surgeon’s secretary called and told me the surgery is scheduled for the 19th of this month. Yes, in 2.5 weeks.

It was as if someone pushed on the gas pedal of a stationary Formula One car. My brain just exploded in motion. She didn’t give me many details; she said someone would call with all the info, so I am waiting on that.

But the rest of it just came into focus, and I started a marathon to do the impossible in 2 weeks. But, I mean, what’s a little impossible for me? It’s just Tuesday.

The freezer downstairs is full of cooked food. If I had more space, I would have cooked more. I immediately notified my mom; she asked to know so she can send some money, and the schools, our social workers, and my ex, so he can schedule the kids with him a little more.

Then I picked up the kids, cleaned the kitchen to spotless again and cooked the laziest supper on earth: I threw some macaroni into a pan and covered it with rose sauce (we don’t like the artificial taste of the mac and cheese, but we get a lot of it from food banks, so I use the pasta in it) and some chicken.

But when I pulled it out, it was a disgusting, mushy mass of pasta I couldn’t touch, while the kids devoured it. We also baked that cake, Piggy and I, for the neighbour to apologize for the lanterns she knocked down and broke of theirs.

All in all, I am in my pre-period week, so I am explosive, rude, and, honestly, a little hyper. My head hurts constantly, and I have zero patience for Piggy’s high velocity and lets-discuss-absolutely-everything-I-ask-you-to-do-for-30-minutes BS.

Tuesday, I woke up with an insane plan. Basically, I need to write and schedule enough blog posts for my business Blog through the end of August, then handle social media for them — 2 posts per week + 25 social media posts per article.

Then I also want to start publicizing this blog on its own social media- that’s every day posting, so it’s more. After making the plan, I wrote and proofread 4 work articles and 2 for this blog. My head was heavy when I was done, and by the evening, I was quite stressed.

I don’t even remember what we made for food that evening, only that we gave the neighbours their cake, apologized again and cleaned some more.

Wednesday was insane. In the morning, I took Piggy to a developmental doctor, and they ruled out ASD and officially diagnosed her with ADHD. That makes it official- all 5 of us have ADHD, lol. Then I worked as a crazy person again.

After picking up the kids, I felt like crying because I didn’t want to be in the kitchen, but I had to. So I baked Piggy’s BD cakes for school. That was long, 2 hours. I then baked the burgers, and we made a sandwich with the patties.

While cooking and baking, I also filled out a staggering amount of paperwork from the kids’ schools and camps. Both Stallion and Drago received a camp subsidy and attended for 4 weeks in the summer, and Drago attended another week through Big Brother. Then there is the end-of-year stuff, parties, payments and whatnot.

By the time it was time to sleep, I was a wreck.

This morning, I dropped the cakes off at Piggy’s school, then came home, crawled into bed, and had a conversation with you for a solid 3 hours. About nothing really. About loyalty. and death. And where I put the will paperwork if I won’t make it through the surgery.

I just felt I needed to hide from the world for a bit in my bed today.

And still, I got 7 hours of work done today, too.

Thankfully, Piggy’s BD was delayed because she wanted a pool party, and the weather was not good for that. So we decided to have their BDs together — Wolfy’s and Piggy’s — on the 14th. So today was cake, a lot of patience (is that some kind of an unwritten rule that BD kids are obnoxious?), family presents, and some living room dancing.

And here I am, crushed in bed, speaking to my beloved just to say I love you, I miss you, and — don’t tell anyone — but I am fucking scared.

Good Night, my love. 
Yours, 
Oxy. 
June 4, 2026

Help me find him: Have you seen this man?